Thursday, April 30, 2009

I missed you so much, let's blog right here and now

Hello loyal blog readers. I’m back. Wait, let me speak first:

I know you’re angry. I know, I know. Those feelings you’re feeling are valid, I totally understand. So please let me apologize.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I sweet-talked you, wooed you into subscribing to my blog only to leave your inbox, and your heart, empty. I’m sorry.

The thing was, I was just really busy-

No, no, let me finish! This isn’t an excuse, just an explanation.

I thought we needed some time apart. A break, so to speak. I had to go out into the world, sow some, what are they? Well, let’s just say I had to see some other blogs. I subscribed to many other blogs while we were apart-

No, no, let me finish! I don’t say that to upset you! Not at all, it’s just that I feel I must be upfront! Honesty! Honesty is the bedrock of a healthy blog, right?

Right. I knew you’d be reasonable and see it my way.

I had to see what was out there, you know? What my options were. So I subscribed to many other blogs while we were apart. I hope you did too. You had every right to, every right.

Well, I hope you didn’t subscribe to that many blogs, I mean, it’s only been like eight months. I assume you subscribed to like, less than three other blogs, right?

More than three!?!


You really get around.

No, no, I’m not angry. I just thought you had more self-control is all.

(Huh, as a side note, maybe you should go and get your computer tested for viruses before we start blogging again. I trust you, I know you were safe, but just in case. You always used a Mac, right?)

Anyway, now that I’m back, I’m ready. I’m ready to settle. No! Not settle for you, I meant settle down! Settle down! Of course. You always misinterpret me, you really need to learn to listen better.

Anyway, I’m back, and I hope we can make this work. I promise to blog with you whenever you want, and blog with your needs in mind. I promise to never leave your subscription wanting again.

I mean, within reason. We’re not making a life commitment here. I’m not ready for that. No, no, hold on-

Jesus, just give me a little space here. Here we go with the smothering already! Just give me a year- let’s just put this conversation off for a year, okay?

Oh, I’m so glad you’re seeing reason! That’s so great! See? I’m good for you! You love my blog! My blog is pretty much the best thing you’ve got going for you!

So welcome back, I know how you’ve missed me.



Oh, and remember that 20 bucks you owe me? I could really use that back right now. I’m jonesing for a Coke Zero and I’m kind of having cash-flow issues at the moment…